....damn references. I never realised how much I needed to them until now! I still have hope, my girlfriend is helping so much. She has asked a friend to see if she can land me a job, I'll find out tomorrow so I'm keeping fingers crossed. I'm running low on money and resources so I do need to have a job quick.
Aside from that I'm just trying to work things out in my head, why did I act so stupid? I do remember how it was there though, 60+ staff and a lot of bitching (the guys were as bad, even worse,then the girls). Not everyone was like that, there were some very nice people to work with...there was just too many that passed bad comments and spent their time discussing the lives of others. It would be all smiles between them but it was cutting remarks and nastiness behind peoples backs, soap operas often sprang to mind while working there. You know its bad when you get hope and you already dread going to work the next day.
Well I'll try and post more often (I'm doing terrible at this whole blogging thing so far!)
One last thing, while browsing through YouTube like a zombie in the early hours I came across a video about Net Neutrality. Make up your own mind :
Monday, September 24, 2007
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
The past few days...
Well the past few days have been strange to say the least, went to meet with one of the employers. Didn't seem like that many people at work knew what had happened yet, a manager asked me to take a seat in the waiting bar and told me that they were filming for a pilot of a new show "Would you mind if they filmed it? It won't be televised or anything". Due to the overwhelming guilt plus the worry of actually facing them I agreed.
Speaking with my former employer was strange, she was more upset then angry. Of course I understood why - it was just strange to see tears welling up in her eyes. I explained everything as honestly as I could and gave her the money made (£1300 by this point). We agreed that a further £700 was paid by Tuesday and a few days later it was agreed that I can pay £2500 month by month until the end of January. Its over....so I thought...
...on Monday I was in for a shock, some of the younger employees I worked with started a group online with one of these social networks. It had my name, photos of me and a little speech saying all kinds of things ( I will post up a copy one day). I'm not sure if I was angry or hurt, I knew full well that in a way I had asked for this....just didn't expect it to be so blatant. I reported the group to the network and the Optimist informed the employer about what had happened. She had a word with the people involved and the group was taken down that morning. I later found out that my former manager is telling everyone how nasty I am etc etc. The people who know me understand me and that's all that matters. I am still worried as to what other repercussions are going to be involved but as for now getting a new job is the main priority.
Speaking with my former employer was strange, she was more upset then angry. Of course I understood why - it was just strange to see tears welling up in her eyes. I explained everything as honestly as I could and gave her the money made (£1300 by this point). We agreed that a further £700 was paid by Tuesday and a few days later it was agreed that I can pay £2500 month by month until the end of January. Its over....so I thought...
...on Monday I was in for a shock, some of the younger employees I worked with started a group online with one of these social networks. It had my name, photos of me and a little speech saying all kinds of things ( I will post up a copy one day). I'm not sure if I was angry or hurt, I knew full well that in a way I had asked for this....just didn't expect it to be so blatant. I reported the group to the network and the Optimist informed the employer about what had happened. She had a word with the people involved and the group was taken down that morning. I later found out that my former manager is telling everyone how nasty I am etc etc. The people who know me understand me and that's all that matters. I am still worried as to what other repercussions are going to be involved but as for now getting a new job is the main priority.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
A chance...
Had a shock phone call earlier....my friends sister, named Optimist from here on, told me that that the employers called her to say they wanted to see me at 10.30 tomorrow at work. That means I have to face the very people I took the money from...this does worry me...after working with them for two years I think that they won't have taken to this new well, especially the colleagues I worked closest to. I have to 'check in' with them so they can tell the boss I'm there. Then on the upper floor I have to walk past everyone I worked with I don't know if I worried more then I am ashamed. Though I did a bad thing so I have to face up to it. Then just me and the employers in their office, these aren't the sort of people you want to get on the wrong side of, and I know that I need to be prepared for whats coming.
On the money side I have made £1300 cash through selling everything and a help from a few friends (if you ever read this THANK YOU), I still have £600 worth of stuff being held in a exchange shop at the moment. Every time I go in to this place they never have enough cash to give me "err...come back tomorrow"...I don't have that long!!! They might not be able to give me the money until Saturday you see. I did speak with one of the employers tonight and explained how much cash I had at the moment and what I intended to get with a loan through someone close as well as my own applications. Even though the conversation was less then friendly on Monday (deserved though) he seemed to understand the situation and gave me until Tuesday...perfect!...just the time I needed to get the rest of the money.
On the money side I have made £1300 cash through selling everything and a help from a few friends (if you ever read this THANK YOU), I still have £600 worth of stuff being held in a exchange shop at the moment. Every time I go in to this place they never have enough cash to give me "err...come back tomorrow"...I don't have that long!!! They might not be able to give me the money until Saturday you see. I did speak with one of the employers tonight and explained how much cash I had at the moment and what I intended to get with a loan through someone close as well as my own applications. Even though the conversation was less then friendly on Monday (deserved though) he seemed to understand the situation and gave me until Tuesday...perfect!...just the time I needed to get the rest of the money.
My fate looms closer...
I've made £420 so far, I do have other things I am waiting to sell and a couple of items that are being tested before they pay me so I'm not sure how its going to be yet. The best I can do is make everything I can and just hope my former employers see that I am doing everything to pay them back. I still can't believe how I've acted in all this. The past year has been a blur, in fact I think the past few years have been a blur. I just haven't looked after myself, allowed things to become all bitter and twisted in my head, got the wrong end of everything and the whole time maintaining a smile and telling everyone that I'm fine and things are great. I have enough people who care about me to talk to so why didn't I just get help?
All my life I've been used to telling people things are fine and that its all OK, and things were great for the first 10 years of my life. My Mum did everything she could to make me happy, one of the greatest people I have ever known, and one day she got sick. She was sick for a few years and one day she told me that she was going to die. A week later and she was gone. I didn't know what to do, my Dad was around but I only saw him at weekends and the only other person was my half brother (we will call him D here). Lets say life with D was different to everything I knew, it felt like I was forgotten about - simply a burden on my brothers life. When my Mum died rather then being sent to live with my Dad (family politics at the time) I was sent to live with D. Things started out a little rocky but generally well and then it all spiraled downhill. I was beaten when I did wrong but never praised for anything I did well...he told me to tell everyone that things are fine otherwise social services will come nosing around. So I did as I was told and even my Dad didn't know how bad things were.
School didn't make things easier, my Mum encouraged me to succeed and even though I was...lets say one of the less popular kids I didn't care because every day I would go home to my Mum and then it was just her and me in our world. When secondary school came I was already living with D and my popularity status remained the same except I felt I was disliked at home as well as school. At this point the only person I'd ever needed to tell my problems to was my Mum and now that she was gone I didn't know who to talk to, not now that I was telling everyone that things were OK through fear of my brother. My only saving grace was staying at my Dads house at the weekends, he worked on Saturday though it was fine because at least I had somewhere I was allowed to be me, well the little of me that I allowed to be seen. Things weren't exactly easy there, my Dads family didn't take too well to me for a lot of our lives...I understand why and now I see them as nothing but family, they have gone out of their way to accept me, however at the time things were different and even though they didn't say much there was always this atmosphere but that is a story for another time.
Just a little insight into my past. I'm still not sure why I am writing all this online, I just feel I have a medium to convey how I feel inside.
All my life I've been used to telling people things are fine and that its all OK, and things were great for the first 10 years of my life. My Mum did everything she could to make me happy, one of the greatest people I have ever known, and one day she got sick. She was sick for a few years and one day she told me that she was going to die. A week later and she was gone. I didn't know what to do, my Dad was around but I only saw him at weekends and the only other person was my half brother (we will call him D here). Lets say life with D was different to everything I knew, it felt like I was forgotten about - simply a burden on my brothers life. When my Mum died rather then being sent to live with my Dad (family politics at the time) I was sent to live with D. Things started out a little rocky but generally well and then it all spiraled downhill. I was beaten when I did wrong but never praised for anything I did well...he told me to tell everyone that things are fine otherwise social services will come nosing around. So I did as I was told and even my Dad didn't know how bad things were.
School didn't make things easier, my Mum encouraged me to succeed and even though I was...lets say one of the less popular kids I didn't care because every day I would go home to my Mum and then it was just her and me in our world. When secondary school came I was already living with D and my popularity status remained the same except I felt I was disliked at home as well as school. At this point the only person I'd ever needed to tell my problems to was my Mum and now that she was gone I didn't know who to talk to, not now that I was telling everyone that things were OK through fear of my brother. My only saving grace was staying at my Dads house at the weekends, he worked on Saturday though it was fine because at least I had somewhere I was allowed to be me, well the little of me that I allowed to be seen. Things weren't exactly easy there, my Dads family didn't take too well to me for a lot of our lives...I understand why and now I see them as nothing but family, they have gone out of their way to accept me, however at the time things were different and even though they didn't say much there was always this atmosphere but that is a story for another time.
Just a little insight into my past. I'm still not sure why I am writing all this online, I just feel I have a medium to convey how I feel inside.
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Where to begin?
Where do I begin?
Lets start with the reason this blog is in existence....I had a well paid job that I was in for 2 years, my position was secure as they needed me and I spent 1 year of it stealing from work. When I quit the job I was found out and was given 5 days to pay back £2000 - I now have 3 days remaining, being a typical Londoner I have an awful credit rating so loans are out of the question and no savings to speak of. It has been decided that the only way for me to get even half the amount I would need to sell nearly all my possesions (should I be depressed that selling my stuff will only bring me £1500?)....there are also a couple of people close to me who will lend me what they can.
How did I get in to this?
Well when I started the job I was recommmended by a friends sister (who is like family to me) and enjoyed it, unfortunately a combination of the enviroment I was in as well as other factors in my life led me to being a very stressed bunny and this is what it has amounted to - one chance not to be arrested by paying this money, lying to people closest to me as well as feeling fear, guilt, shame and generally idiotic.
I felt what I was doing at the time was ok and the false promise to myself of "this will be the last time" seemed believable. I got sucked in this habit and need to learn that I can't keep doing this. I think I may have finally learned my lesson.
So I know what I have done and must face the consequence for my actions....I am glad that I was caught out, it has taught me there are better ways to do things.
Wish me luck for getting out of this and my life back on track!
Lets start with the reason this blog is in existence....I had a well paid job that I was in for 2 years, my position was secure as they needed me and I spent 1 year of it stealing from work. When I quit the job I was found out and was given 5 days to pay back £2000 - I now have 3 days remaining, being a typical Londoner I have an awful credit rating so loans are out of the question and no savings to speak of. It has been decided that the only way for me to get even half the amount I would need to sell nearly all my possesions (should I be depressed that selling my stuff will only bring me £1500?)....there are also a couple of people close to me who will lend me what they can.
How did I get in to this?
Well when I started the job I was recommmended by a friends sister (who is like family to me) and enjoyed it, unfortunately a combination of the enviroment I was in as well as other factors in my life led me to being a very stressed bunny and this is what it has amounted to - one chance not to be arrested by paying this money, lying to people closest to me as well as feeling fear, guilt, shame and generally idiotic.
I felt what I was doing at the time was ok and the false promise to myself of "this will be the last time" seemed believable. I got sucked in this habit and need to learn that I can't keep doing this. I think I may have finally learned my lesson.
So I know what I have done and must face the consequence for my actions....I am glad that I was caught out, it has taught me there are better ways to do things.
Wish me luck for getting out of this and my life back on track!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
